Image of the Fendahl is one of my [JE's] favourite stories of all time, and that alone means it should be released on DVD. This story is really about atmosphere and builds and delivers this in spades. From the hitchhiker opening, the glowing skull and the creeping terror of the Fendahl, this story could send anyone behind the sofa.

Unfortunately this story is let down by the eye-makeup they put on Wanda Ventham, but other than that there are some great effects (the Fendahl themselves) and some great performances (who can forget Daphne Heard’s ‘that bain’t no way to make fruitcake!’). Striking a terrific balance between horror and comedic touches, this story is a classic even among the Williams oeuvre. 

For this release, I’d be happy with a vanilla edition. If they were stretching, they could do a feature on how to make the Fendahl, a make-up examination of Thea/Fendahl Core, or maybe an exciting look at the Doctor’s scarf (which was changed for this episode, despite some later stories being made earlier with the original scarf)!

Something extremely obvious has only recently occurred to me ['me' as in JE]. When the Sarah Jane Adventures were announced, we were all wondering about K9 and if the SJA would just become the next iteration of K9 and Company (dee dee dede dee dee dede K9!). Certainly School Reunion enforced the expectation that K9 was with Sarah Jane and back better than ever! (Despite being the older model version with several problems.)

Then came Invasion of the Bane, and K9 merely got a token scene where we found out that he was dealing with a black hole. Wow! Talk about your powerful super-dog! Able to collapse a black hole! Now that’s the stuff of K9 Adventures! But this did mean that there’d be no John Leeson crawling about the set during the series. Oh woe is us, said the fans. We wants our K9!

Actually, we do have him. He’d just be “re-invisioned” for the new century and for NuWho (NuSarah?). Features retained: awkward with social situations, doesn’t understand the more subtle points of speech, can interface with new tech with the easiest of ease, can perform complex computations in his head. Features revised: can move about a lot easier, doesn’t have a nose blaster, doesn’t have access to encyclopaedic knowledge for every plot point, can be identified with by the viewing audience.

No, not Mr. Smith. That would be silly. I’m talking about Luke, of course! (As if the picture didn’t give that away.) Luke is Sarah’s new pet, has many of K9’s qualities (see above), but is now a little boy so that the children can either go “he’s silly” or “I feel just as socially isolated as the representation of myself as presented in this children’s programmed aimed at children just like me” (which you hear kids doing all the time, these days). 

So don’t despair K9 fans, K9 is back and is cuter than a button! But something will have to be done about the lack of a nose blaster…

So, last week I bought Timelash. I know what you’re thinking. Some of you think me mad, others are perhaps rolling their eyes. You knew it was coming. But I’m not here to defend my purchase or try to change anyone’s minds over the quality of the story – I did that back in TSV 56. And on the subject of back issues, I would like to address my very first comments for Zeus Plug; the editorial for issue 1, called ‘Let Go’.

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There’s an awful lot of nonsense sprayed out there in the interwebs. And sometimes there’s the slenderest wafer of truth. Let’s face it – sometimes you NEED a sensible figure to lead you through the minefield of red herrings and fan meanderings, and past the groans, the OMGs and squees of the modern message board. The Fact Controller can do that; he just might take a while longer catching his breath afterwards.

Caution: After the Fold be spoilers. Or not.  

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[Since this will probably be the last time I post to Zeus Blog... ever... JE]

There have been many arcs in the new series, such as “Bad Wolf” and “Gallifrey”, but these are obvious. Some of the more subtle ones may havce escaped your notice, but not mine.

1. Key as badge of honour. Only two people other than the Doctor end up with a TARDIS key, so this is clearly a mark of the special people in the show. Not even Jack got one. And I didn’t see Rose or Martha give them back, so if they ever meet they can show each other they’re in the “Key Club”.
2. Bananas. High in potassium and good for you. A point well made, and made often.
3. Ordinary people are special. It’s all about the little people and their little lives. And about how they are the ones that make the Doctor do what he does. ‘Cos they’re special.
4. Outer Space doesn’t exist. Nope, it doesn’t. Earth is all there is and all there ever will be. If it ain’t Earth, it ain’t it.
5. Survivor’s guilt. Lots of it, held by the Doctor. He’s the “Last of the Time Lords”, which he lets define him.
6. Don’t make the Doctor angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Yeah, he’s going to win anyway, but when he’s angry, he really wins!
7. Redemption is everything. Especially if you’re human. There’s always a chance to suddenly say “whoops!”…and then die.
8. Martha’s a doctor. No, really. I know, I know, it’s a “blink and you’ll miss it” moment, but it’s there. I think.
9. The Doctor’s sorry. He doesn’t like doing the things he has to do, he doesn’t like it other people have to pay the price. But that doesn’t stop him.
10. Rose is the bestest companionest of them all! It’s a subtle one, easily overlooked, but if you read between the lines carefully, it’s there. Usually one reference per episode, especially after she left.

Off the bat, let me say: I enjoyed these episodes! Oh, I’ll bitch about things in just a moment, but I had fun watching them. This story is very much aimed at the children, but it isn’t childish. The story doesn’t talk down, just gets on with it.

This story could be considered as School Reunion with the Slitheen replacing the Krillitanes. The Slitheen are a great metaphor for teachers being monsters, although, like School Reunion, the story doesn’t make any real use of that. The best we get is along the lines of ‘that teacher isn’t a threat’, but then… Instead, the story is about how the Slitheen are planning to, well, get revenge (as it happens), and just happen to be at the school where Maria and Luke happen to be – and this brings up an amazing co-incidental accident of the script. Why should this school play the pivotal role it does? Co-incidence always plays a big part in most Doctor Who adventures, but there really is no excuse for one this big this soon. The fact that the story doesn’t make much use of the school aspect emphases this more.

But the story needs to be lightweight as the episodes have another role to play: re-introducing the world of Sarah Jane Adventures. This is helped by the introduction of the character of Clyde Langer (replacing Kelsey from Invasion of the Bane) who gets to ask ‘what’s that?’ Any resemblance to one Mickey Smith is, I’m sure, purely an accident of casting. Thus we are treated to slabs of exposition which could easily explain why this story was two episodes long!

That all said, the threat are the Slitheen, whom, I have to say, are less threatening here than in Aliens of London/World War Three. We get no fast moving CGI versions, so we are treated to Paul Kasey doing his best monster lumbering, providing plenty of excuses as to how everyone outruns them (the Slitheen are supposed to be great hunters??), and their claws aren’t really designed for the machines they wanted built. Still, at least they aren’t doing the whole George Bush parody, and we do get a kid-friendly version, and there’s tons of farting for children to chuckle at (I did wonder if the fans were in mind with the whole Clyde/Luke ‘is farting funny?’ runner).

Now, Doctor Who often requires a blind eye towards the accurate end of technology, but what happens here not only takes the cake, but also steals the entire kitchen! The Slitheen are stealing energy, from every source, be it electrical or heat or… and the machinery that makes this happen incidentally causes cellular decay… but humans are cellular and produce heat (and low level electricity), yet no humans are harmed by this process? The hey?? Hand-waving physics are all very well, but there are some basics that might occur to people.

I did say at the beginning that I did enjoy this adventure, and the reason for that can be easily summed up: the cast. It really is great to see Elizabeth Sladen back as Sarah Jane, but the lion’s share of this episode goes to Yasmin Paige (Maria), Tommy Knight (Luke), Daniel Anthony (Clyde) and Martyn Ellis and Ian Midlane as the teachers. The cast really invest themselves in their parts, bringing a smile to the face when the rest of the story doesn’t. The production team score highly here, and it’ll be this group of people that have the power to make Sarah Jane Adventures a success.

Revenge of the Slitheen was as much a second pilot to SJA as anything else, borrowing on the Slitheen threat to make an impact and introducing the new cast and themes that’ll no doubt play out over the year (one definite arc is that involving ‘family’). As long as the actors are buoyant, they’ll make up for any downfall in story, making SJA a very watchable series.

JE

[Since the editors can't stop me! - JE]

Since September isn’t over yet, this is Fast Return – Return Faster!

This just in: the Shalka is making its bid for freedom! Mount Ruapehu, famed in song and jerky internet video, has just erupted, and everyone is talking about it! (At least, I’m overhearing the occasional comment at work.)

Now, while we can’t be positive that this really is the birth pangs of an alien entity, I think we still all still move to a certain English village and see if any bar maids need help…

Aaand welcome to a new month’s worth of Fast Return – September-flavoured!

It’s been what they call a ‘slow news month’ out there in the Interior, but we’re doing our best to see that all the news that’s fit to burst for the past month gets… er, burst. On the other hand your regular Fast Returners won’t be around after mid-next week to post this, so this is what you get! No more news from here until October everyone…

OH – AND THERE ARE POTENTIAL SPOILERS IN THE FOLLOWING TEXT…

A WEB OF MAYHEM AND INTRIGUE
So what the Hepesh was that all about? DW Online ‘report’ that they’ve [allegedly] heard “rumours” of a new missing episode find and that it [allegedly] might be something from The Web of Fear. Cue fanboy frothing and not a lot of ‘squee’-ing because we had more self-control back in 1968. Anyway, end of the month, no discoveries of the episodes (but check out that careful wording DWO used – it’s only their job to report rumour, not investigate it. How very modern media!), more than a few angry fans and in all likelihood a very healthy hit-rate for DWO! Not that we’re suggesting anything or anything.

Anyway, there’s got to be nothing more forlorn than a news site that doesn’t ‘do’ news, so in order to inject some purpose to the whole affair and give those plump net-potato fingers a bit of a workout, why not go here instead…

THIS MONTH’S NEW SERIES SCOOP!
Has anyone informed OG yet?

MEANWHILE, TSV DEVELOPMENTS CONTINUE APACE…
All quiet in Hamilton you say?

FOR THOSE NOT ABOUT TO START WATCHING LOCAL SOAPS – WE SALUTE YOU!
But in case last month’s mention of Adam Rickit was just too too ‘niche’ for you genre-afficionados, here’s a list of some properly DW-connected actors who have also appearaed in New Zealand soap operas.

Ilona Rogers
Bruce Purchase
Alan Dale
[that's enough pushing old non-news items -Ed.]

PAST TART TO BLAST FARTS
Kudos to Gareth Roberts for putting the Slitheen in a programme where they’re a hundred per cent guaranteed to find their target audience – the Sarah Jane Adventures. Kids love ‘em, adults… not so much. Seriously – good move. Could you imagine the Torchwood team coming up against them? Say, in a follow up to Combat?

SIN IS IN
Cool! Just when the cost of living increases yet again and crude oil prices send the plastics industry into conniptions, here’s a new range of DW miniatures ready for the fan market. Although it was nice and unexpected to hear that the ‘half’ new figure actually was a scaled-down figure after all. And it’s Mister Sin! Bless.

SHOPPING LIST MAKES HEADLINES
With their purported love of ‘shopping list production’ it’s somehow inevtiable that Rusty Davies and Gaz Russell should find a mutual playground in Torchwood. How intriguing for fan speculators to read in the pages of SFX an actual list of Series 4 ‘ingredients’ for a forthcoming publication – a sort of Tenth Doctor’s Dictionary, if you will – only actually completed this time and done by a publisher. Ahem. Said ingredients make for an interesting cake: Enid Blyton (we suspect Gary’s hand in that inclusion unless he’s planning a return to acting), bannakaffalatta (banana coffee perhaps?), Sensorites (ignore it, it’s probably a Gloss reference). The acronym for Gareth Roberts’ story is apparently TUAWT, although it might be one of RTD’s naughty anagrams for all we know. Truth be told, we love this guessing game stuff – so much better than ‘Stay Tuned’!

AND FINALLY… some music
Dean Gray’s Doctor Who on Holiday (courtesy of YouTube).

Here’s Jono. In front of a TARDIS. Outside at night (Earl’s Court?) 

And here we are again, we brave, happy few, for this the final part of our TorchBall extravaganza. This time, we’re peering into the glass to see what we can expect on our screens once the new season begins. Vanessa Williams once sang ‘sometimes you save the best for last’. Well, dear, that’s as may be. On this blog however, the best you’ll get is a mixed bag!

Oh, but we’re a cynical lot, for if there’s one over-riding ‘vibe’ to our prognoses it’s that we’re likely to get… more of the same?

“One episode per person again” muttered Jamas darkly. “Lots of focus on Torchwood dealing with small things, making us wonder how they are so powerful… Getting an alien device and screwing up how to use it to create the problem.”Oh dear. “The return of the pterodactyl.” Yes. “More about Jack’s past, making strange references to being in the past that everyone blitherly ignores.” I see, and what’s this?“Far too much about the characters having sex with each other.”

Well it is what the folks in modern telly call ‘drama’, I think. Or is it ‘characterisation’? Or were they the Weevils again? Hang on, here’s Jon:

“More of what we got last year!” Er, and…?“The final episode will fail to live up to what the previous 12 had built up to (as per series one). Yet more bickering between the characters. They are supposed to be a professional organisation, but instead they sometimes act like spoilt kids on a school outing! If they kill someone off, then the follow-on effects of this must be dealt with across the whole season.” Oh Jon – sit down!

So for the moment we’ve ventured back into what we’d LIKE to see or SHOULD see (our previous installments). Jon continues:

“We know Jack can’t die, so they really need to stop putting him in close-death situations. Stick someone else (Ianto or Tosh) in that position instead.”

Dear me. Jon really has it in for Ianto and Tosh, doesn’t he? Maybe it doesn’t have to be this way? Maybe Jack will get to say “tonight – nobody dies!” in one epsode? Or will he just slink off with Ianto and a stopwatch again, being all enigmatic? We can’t know. Well, we’re told that Jack will be more ‘fun’ next year, but will this mean that last year’s dark stuff will be papered over? And will the fans like THAT? We’re a fickle bunch.

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