Okay then. Things that happened last month. Here we go…

WHO THE FROCK IS DEAN GAFFNEY AND WHAT IS HE DOING IN DW NEWS?
You know, we live in fractious times, and none moreso than on the internet, with its Facebooks and MySpacings. News this week that Eastenders/reality TV curio Dean Gaffney would be in one of the specials this year was ‘revealed’ this week, then revealed to be a fake posting on that hive of scum and villainy, Twitter. Young fans who understand all this and probably care were alternately scandalated and then relieved that it all turned out bunkum. We dunno, having seen this we reckon he’d fit the bill perfectly.

KASTERBOROUS KEEPS ABREAST OF THINGS
It has to be said, Colin Baker running into sometime cinematic DW companion rumour Pamela Anderson is a hell of a story. And good on Kasterborous.com for not opting on an easy eyecatcher and instead going straight to cover reportage of said story without making mountains out of molehills. Er, by that we mean overinflating things. Um. Don’t open this at work, okay?

AND SPEAKING OF HARRY HILL…
That Poetry Corner, eh? Superb – and good to know we’ve made advances in the science of rhyming dialogue since “Seek, Locate – Exterminate!”

BIG FINISH ‘FIND’ SEASON 23!
Hooray! Simply years after once Producer Gary Russell said nix to number Six once more meeting (er, spoiler?) the Celestial Toymaker, Sil, the Ice Warriors, the Autons and theRaniortheMasterorperhapsbotheven via audio, aw no, look ! More recent Producer Nick ‘Ring Modulator’  Briggs has only gone an dun it! Fantastic news for those who’ve wanted to hear the stories, instead of shelling out the clams for a pretty patchy trio of Target specials. Naturally fans have gone one better and demnded that the ‘original’ ‘season’ 27 follow this. We’ll see. In the mean-time with the stock involved it wouldn’t be out of the question to call the remounted ‘lost season’ a bit of a risky move. 

TSV 76 SPEEDS TO COMPLETION ‘SOMETIME SOON.’
Look, we recently swore off jabbing Her Madge’s Fanzine in the ribs for simultaneously celebrating 75 issues of longevity then gag-tastically slipping off the radar for over twelve months, so we’ll accentuate the positive and say that delays like this not only have not occurred since 1986, but with each passing month a year’s sub to TSV exponentially increases in value for money! Seriously, we can’t wait for those Season Four reviews (who was the companion again?)

NEW BIGSAVE FURNITURE AD SURFS ZEITGEIST, BREAKS FANBOY HEARTS, SCARES SMALL CHILDREN.
It’s good (we suppose) that someone else noticed this rather quaint throwback to 1980s advertising with its blocky ‘video’ effects and not-so-soundalike-a version of the DW feem toon, along with a handy disapperating blue shipping container (genius!). But to be frank, this ad has caused us all at ZeusBlog Terraces to hide behind the sofa more times than not due to the bug-eyed zaniness of its presenter and her scary shouty hypermania. Jesus Christ, woman – it’s only furniture!

 “What did you do during the gap year, Daddy?”

Readers with long lawns and short tempers will recall this this blog had in its day a hard copy predecessor, Zeus Plug, the shortest, pluggiest and to date only pubzine in New Zealand. From March we’ll be reproducing those first eight issues and covering the zine’s short, glorious and expensive history. There’ll be behind the scenes stories, those articles presented in new and sometimes unexpurgated form, and who knows, perhaps along the way we’ll laugh a little, cry  little, and learn about life, love and the importance of family. Or something.

Stay tuned!

Now, sensible bloggers would now be putting links on their pages to the new Torchwood trailer and inviting commentary, opinion and fact-correcting from all and sundry. But that stuff’s too easy – things explode, Jack kisses Yentl, there’s something magical happenning with the kids and Peter bloody Capaldi is weaving his brilliance in another genre show. It’s possible that there’s something here to watch (although The Guardian’s Carrie Dunn seems pretty balanced on that note).

No. Go and find your Torchwood trailer elsewhere. We’ve looked on the forums and, my god, the sqee-ing…

Much more interesting is this on You Tube – How To make a Proper Doctor Who Anime. No, wait – it’s actually okay! In fact, bits of it are brilliant – Al should love it, aikido you not (arf!). Alright, the anime style is not for everyone, but where likenesses have been based on yer actual cast members and there’s stompy full on Cyb vs Dalek action and the action is fluid and there’s some very good storyboarding going on – well, it’s worth your time.

Fan animations are still something of a bete noir in some circles these days – even the fan-made Web of Fear ‘trailer’ copped some rather uncharitable comments from quarters that have traditionally looked more fondly at restoration attempts. But if either of these examples can make a convincing argument, it surely must be that for the foreseeable time the future of animated restoration lies in truly imaginative 2D, and not 3D.

Your thoughts?

The passage of time. We’ve seen it, and it’s not a pretty sight. It does things to a man. Nevertheless, we at ZeusBlog Terraces are a flinty-eyed steely bunch, and we don’t shrink from our blogging responsibilities no sir. Thankfully, nothing of any importance Who-wise happened in January to blog about – not a single thing, so it makes this instalment so much easier.

Let’s keep this in the manner of the TSV Message Board and start out by going completely off-topic…

OMG teh Prisoner is deads!
Okay, he was never in the series (even though The Village was of course), so let’s see some of that, as well as the late great scary man, put to the tune of some imminently-visiting senior songsters of the heavily metallic genre [indulge me, it's the only way I'll see them now. Curse you, parenthood!]

OMG Khaaaan is deads as well!
Aint It Cool News really pulled one out of the hat on the video tributes to this guy who was also never in DW. We spent a wee while – yes, a very wee while, finding one they missed. Khan. Say it once and there’s muuusic playing. Say it twice and it’s actually a little obsessive.

OMG Computer voice too? Curse you, mortality!
The fickle fulcrum of fate teeters cruelly in Roddenberryland. Majel Roddenberry, the precedent of all that’s lady sounding in computers of skiffy will be broadcast live no more. She was the antecedent of Mister Smith in the Sarah Jane Adventures we suppose.  Er, that’s about it. No, we’re not going to comment on the guy who was in the robot in Lost in Space.

OMG Dalek is deads!
Lest we forget and let it be said now: before Katy Manning it was John Scott Martin who was the first actual Who actor to pose topless with a Dalek. That man – what an innovator! And he had a career afterwards as well.

[Ed: It's possible we may be wrong on this and the picture is of that pesky Bob Jewel again. In which case, here's a blog covering some of the worst Dalek cakes of all time. Ye gods.]

Matt Smith not dead, but lives on in YouTube mash-ups
Which, after les Piper’s Call Girl antics, is writing ‘shipping’ videos all by itself…

RT Forum throws in towel, becomes news site instead.
And fair enough. The RT, it has to be said, isn’t alwasys the life of the party on the Interweb, what with its talk of colour spots, 72 edits (to which we say, hey – if you can remember them you were never there, eh punters?) and fending off the young enthusiasts and their weekly assault on the board with suggestions that, gosh – maybe other stories could be animated as well? That said, what a great mont for articles about forthcoming releases – and what releases! Planet of the Daleks in colour fully of course. Yeah, and Marinus! War Games! Attack of some Cybermen! Why, you’d never think there’s a global depression looming with that shopping list.

Bus Smashed en route to Dubai. (gate)
We got nothing. Why is this news? More David Tennant stories? Oh.
Aren’t we all over him now?

And there’s your January 2000 and nine. Peesha-pish!

1. This is obviously a mistake, JOHN Smith is the Doctor.

2. Hang on, I mean Percy Kent Smith.

3. G****a M****t should feel a whole lot better about this one.

4. Now it’s Zeus Blog cub reporter Jono‘s turn to be older than the new Doctor.

5. Twelfth Doctor to be actually thirteen.

The end of year special has now arrived after a great amount of
internet speculation.  We know how the story goes by now; if it
makes fans sit up and take notice then newspaper inches follow -
this story certainly delivered. But as seasoned fans do we expect
too much? As a popular yuletide diversion, does The Next Doctor‘s
easy charm offer anything else?

I suspect that this is the measure by which the remaining stories
mean themselves to be assessed for the RTD era, which as far as
you and I and Russel T Davies are concerned, is nearing its end,
and soon. We haven’t reached the end of the tenth Doctor, though
I would say it is telegraphed visibly here. Quite probably this all
could be explained by the fact that in order to save time and also
do justice to a hampered lead actor’s schedule needs dictated that
this story was filmed back to back with season 4, and it does show
in point of fact. David Tennant is a master at this and still remains
our best ambassador to the role, but looks knackered, acting in his
sleep (or was it the back problems already?)

You may recall last year saw TSV‘s most regal subscriber ever
realise the same cheese factor as Fear Her‘s Olympic torch, though
I will admit that this story is tighter (although it could be said we
haven’t seen the benefit of tighter editing, instead what we have
seen is a simpler plot and fewer supporting characters muddying
the story to fuss over than 2007′s support-cast massacre festive
thing).

If this year is better it’s because it’s quieter (though yet again
noone mentions still another giant-sized bother for London, or even
notices), and this also has more actual actors. David Morrisey is
then slightly less of a stunt casting than the ‘faddish’ John Simm.
I’ll say he does ‘sad’ well, which redeems that OTT CiN prelude.
Throw in the arguments over the months leading up to this that
The Next Doctor was based on Big Finish’s The One Doctor, then a
lot of the pantomime Doctor’s bluster may actually have been more
in keeping.

If this was indeed RD’s modus operandi then there’s an irony to be
identified in turning a man who has had everything in his life un-
kindly removed into a suddenly swashbuckling and outrageously
forward ‘hero’ may be smarter than it appears. We can also see
this through the Doctor’s own life the real Doctor adopts a bluster
to cover his inward turmoil. It’s a neat parallel to the tragic hero
the Doctor has become – a neat and exaggerated, portrait of the
usual candidate. That the Doctor also possesses the humanity to
address this himself is key to his persona.

Thanks to Tennant’s performance it’s not overdone.

PA

Now then. With the Kitschmas Special out of the way and the assurance that David Morrissey is just for Christmas and not for life, our attention must surely go to 2009′s pre-Moffat specials. The Latter Days of our Saintly David. The  last squirts of ink from Dame Russel’s nib, as it were.

Here at Zeus Blog Terraces we’ve assembled a crack team of three prognosticators to scry their way into the hours that lie ahead of us,  scattering the tea leaves, rummaging through the goat entrails, reading the clouds in order to divine what they think we’ll see before Great Rusty’s candle is snuffed in NuWholand. Here’s what they thought.

First up, here’s an urchin in the form of young Jamas, shivering in the snow and cradling a tiny coal in his blistering palms to stave death’s chill away. What have you for us, m’lad?

“1. Rose will be name checked, because it is still Rose Who.”

“2. The Daleks will be back, because everyone loves the ratings! …I mean, the Daleks!”

“3. There’ll be a proper future story that isn’t full of a broad range of English accents.”

“4. There’ll be the most amazing historic figure ever! (I’m thinking Mozart.)”

“5. There’ll be a returning monster that’ll be nothing like their own series counterpart, because why break with tradition there?”

Intriguing. Away with you, lad – for I see the callow figure of a gentleman – why, it’s Lord Alistair, leading another charge of workhouse trulls to the knacker’s yard. I’d wager Her Majesty’s spaniels will not go without a yuletide treat this year neither, but what’s this? More soothsaying?

“The Series 4 finale resolved a lot of Rusty-isms (Rose, her family and Mickey, Donna, the Doctor’s hand and even Martha to a lesser extent) leaving only a handful of elements to be tied up, if indeed that is his agenda…”
“1. I have a feeling that Captain Jack’s destiny will be dealt with in some way, as his Rose-induced immortality was completely ignored when they finally reunited last year.  Whether this involves Jack somehow regaining his mortality, or even dying in a camp blaze of glory remains to be seen.”

“2. The resurrection of classic villains is an easy one, and I’m tending to plump for the Ice Warriors (Mr Davies, I’ve got a design all ready for you!), Earth reptiles (aquatic or subterranean) or even everyone’s favourite one-off – the Zygons.”

“3. The destruction of Gallifrey is one of the major defining elements of Davies vision for the Doctor, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is revisited somehow.  Surely they’ll want to re-use that lovely CGI Capitol?  Whether it’s a flashback, a re-set, alternate universe Timelords or some other concoction I won’t be surprised if we see those silly collars again next year.”

“4. Any talk of Gallifrey’s absence immediately leads to the Time War.  Yes, a flashback involving McGann and perhaps even Eccleston remains every fans’ dream – come on, you know you want to!  Please Mr McGann – you may have a good face for radio but we’d love to see it on the telly, too!”

“5. And that in return leads to talk of a multi-Doctor story.  But having already had Timecrash, the two Tennants and very soon a ‘next Doctor’ this may not seem as fresh as it once did, as much as I’d love to see the return of Eight and Nine.  So I’ll settle for what I’ve always wanted, a Quatermass, or even Hammer-inspired all-out horror movie.  Small rural village, ancient evil re-awakening, archaic mythology which might be extraterrestrial in origin – and not a sonic screwdriver in sight!”

Aha! Surely some touting for a role in the fate of us all there, Mr Hughes! Designs for His Rustliness to use, indeed! But here’s a queer fellow – that shady foreigner Peter A and his daemonic Ouija Board, fresh from a tour of the Orient. With a reedy voice he urges us near – what phantasms does he conjure from the growing winter mists?

“1. I foresee another Time Lord guest appearance. Will it be the Master again? I hope not – as much as I hope RTD has learned his lesson on resurrecting Rose to replay the whole separation angst thing all over again. Will it be the Rani? I hope not – Rusty doesn’t do cold and emotionless villainesses. Not in the long run, at least. Which leaves the only other returning temporal marauder – the Meddling Monk. He’d be perfect, too – no real baggage, not evil enough to be the Master Mk 2, and eminently disposable. Perfect guest star material.”

“2. England (and no other country) will be invaded again by aliens. I know! Call me impetuous, but a fool and his money, et cetera.”

“3. I’ll see Mister Hughes’ atmospheric Hammer-inspired tale and raise it one Gatiss, to wit, the next pre-series adaptation will be… Nightshade! Adapted by someone other than Mr Gatiss, of course.”

“4. That splendid and efficient Mister Gareth Roberts will produce for us a script that will have us falling about once more and slapping our thighs with merriment. And afterward, feeling a little confused and empty.”

“5. Enough dallying with Zygons and Sea Devils! We know one’s in the bag, for almost certain! No, the real money is on which less-loved Auld Series monster Arty Davies will reference in a tossed off non sequitur during one episode. So far we’ve had the Sensorites and the Macra, as well he’s wedded the Abzorbaloff to his own flatulent progeny the Slitheen. So who will it be? I suspect it’ll be one to please either himself, or his fans. And I’ll say only this: it will rhyme with ‘Spandrells’. No! You cannot press me further!”

He’s vanished. What a strange creature! Surely nothing more strange will pass our eyes to bedevil us with the Curse of Kassandra. And yet, do my eyes deceive me, or is this the form of the young artist Jonno, laden with a brace of bristles, some light canvas and surgeon’s blades?

“1. The Tenth Doctor’s last words will be ‘allons-y’”

“2. The Master will be back for the last special”

“3. A BIG name will star in one of the specials (bigger than Kylie)”

“4. A popular pop ditty will play over a hugely important plot development. £10 says it’s the Ting Tings.”

“5. Hugh Grant is the next doctor. Maybe.”

The Ting-Tings! Bless that young man and his fevered rantings. So what of you all, dear readers? Have you a predilection for prediction? Do you dare to look into the future? Cast the die – tell us what you foresee!

Crikey – did you just see the Shortland Street finale for the year? They only ended on the gunning down of a leading character… a DOCTOR… to the climax of that aria from Madam Butterfly.  It’s like 1996 all over again, we swear. And if that isn’t enough to make you think all of your Christmases have come at once, don’t worry, there’ll be another along in just over five days. In the mean-time, here are five baubles of our own from the Zeus Blog tree…

First, let’s look at what we’re all fighting for with a glimpse to Christmases past – namely a not-untypical reaction to Voyage with the Stars- I mean, of the Damnered. Was he right, folks? Eh, it’s a year on, already. Let’s go back further…

Mr Bean improves The Christmas Invasion no end.

hat’s better! Now back to blogs:

Nestled warmly for the winter in his House of Awkwardness  Paul Cornell is currently ‘doing’ the 12 days of Christmas via a series of ‘best of’ lists with his various (and impressive) multimedia chums. You don’t actually need to have a Doctor Who angle to this, especially if you’re already a Kate Bush fan, but for those who might (and anyone interested), here are the Favourite Christmas Songs of the Doctor Who Writers.

And having done blogs and the past, let’s look at the future:

Digital Spy has seen The Next Doctor and is duly revealing some bits of tids. Click here if you’d like to spoil yourself in the privacy of your own home.

And now a sidestep into a parallel universe where each Doctor sort of sounds like himself, but looks like a badly made-up comedy impersonator:

Sure, it’s as old as the gags in a Warehouse cracker (the ones that made it without having their snaps pulled out in the interests of national security that is), but let’s hear it again for Christmas at Doctor Who’s House.

Whew! Speaking of last-minute presents, who’s for a quick purchase?

For Five Dollars YOU could own your very own blurry photoshopped montage of recent Doctor Who monsters on a piece of folded card that wishes its observer both a ‘Merry Christmas’ as well as a bonus ‘Happy New year’. Only 2 available so bid now!. Go!! Now!!!

Okay that was a bit cheap – but there’s a credit crisis on, people! Back to your homes – we’ll be back with a Crystal Ball next week!

RTP 27 is a sweet, quivering three layer Christmas trifle, substantial but never stodgy, with the triad of main features interspersed with delicious cartoon fillings. Once again RTP effortlessly reminds us of how fandom can, and should be fun. And speaking of which, it’s indescribably wonderful to see Herr Karkus back, but, um, didn’t he die? No matter, never look a gift Teutonic uberhero in the mouth, especially at Christmas time. A Robogron is a brilliant idea which might have formed the basis of an entire strip in the hands of a lesser artist, but Erato just casually sprinkles it on top of a cartoon adventure already rich with originality

I read the new series retrospective feature fully anticipating annoyance at the usual petulant RTD bashing which seems part of a Fan’s mission statement these days, or boredom at having read it all before – but was delighted to find that I couldn’t have been more wrong. In fact, I believe fans should instead make it part of their mission statement to read this article – the most well-reasoned, balanced and insightful of its kind which I’ve seen anywhere. Special thanks to David Lawrence who convincingly reminds us of how wonderful Eccleston’s brief portrayal was, before having its memory all but swamped by Tennant’s ‘in-ya-face’ interpretation.

My only gripe would be the unlovely section headings, and the similarly baffling typography which continues into the following Torchwood article by David Ronayne. But what an article; again proving my huffy expectations of another RTD effort being brusquely dismissed to be all for nought. David, please send your alternate series 2 outline to the production office, they need – or needed, you! Personally, I’d love to see more writing like this. Ronayne seems to have an excellent grasp of what makes Torchwood tick and his series 2 makes fascinating reading when juxtaposed with what we actually got. Or am I missing the point of an extremely clever joke? With RTP you can’t always be too sure…

This brings me to the last (actually the first) of the big three articles – the final part of the extensive look at Graham Muir’s cartoon creations. Reading this I was reminded of a documentary I once saw at a film festival, about Lighthouses. Been taken to beacons all over the world by a softly spoken Norwegian narrator for two hours could have been as gruelling as waiting for Return of the King to reach it’s own final credits, but instead I found it mesmerising and all these years later, still unforgettable. What really distinguishes this article is the look at Graham’s own creative processes, well-illustrated by a ‘digital recreation’ of an unfinished Saucer strip. Fantastic stuff which really beings the subject alive. The revelation that TSV‘s special anniversary issue last year could have been graced with an exclusive Tardis Tale (but didn’t for reasons poignantly explained by Graham), adds a closing sense of regret to this series of articles.

Although perceptibly affected by the unfortunate postponement of Garry Jackson’s next comic strip instalment, RTP 27 is packed with fabulous art and writing from Ood to Adipose, and once again ushers in the festive season in style.

AH

It’s a 45th anniversary! Or was! And we’ve a mixed bag in Fast Return this month, so let’s at least start with a song – an anniversary song, naturally, found by Travelling Dave on your tube.

But what, as the cereal packet goes, are we really celebrating here? Ahem:

45 UP
There comes a time in one’s life when the marking of anniversaries and significant birthdays becomes more gradual and perhaps less cause for genuine celebration. Forty years after 1963 Doctor Who was still an historic programme, its extended life contained within non-television media. Two years after that and fandom started talking seriously about ‘legacies’ and ‘kisses to the past’ in ways they hadn’t done for nearly ten years.  In the time since the TV Movie new fans had been conceived and born, and discovered what we know as the ‘new’ series at just the right age. Perhaps they are the children of former fans themselves – it doesn’t really matter, and for them the idea of a series with a 41 year-old backstory was moot. Four years on and this blogger ask himself whether this anniversary, along with every other one since 1989 is a marking of, say, 45 years at all, or just 26 years plus a few more to be counted on the day. Perhaps 2008 is merely just the fourth anniversary, and the big party will be next year, in the fifth year of a new series? Can you really see the join after the return of so many villains and companions from episodes of yesteryear? Does it matter?

THE SILENCE OF THE FANS
All of which angstiness just goes to ask – why so quiet this year? Are we satiated with a series back and a safe regeneration of production hands ahead that we don’t feel the need to draw attention to the show’s long toothiness? Or are we scared to? Or have we politely left the stage to allow the young ‘uns to say their piece, only to discover the sum of their wisdom to date to be ‘OMG squee! Lols!’ or the like? Yours please, below.

In the mean-time…

IT WAS NEARLY A YEAR AGO TODAY…
We have a local anniversary coming up of course – happy first birthday soon, latest issue of TSV!

RODNEY’S A LOVELY NAME FOR A FIELD MARSHALL
Spotted this week on Public Address. More politics, sorry folks…

(Click on the pic to biggen it up)

A DUDE TO BE THE NEXT DOCTOR, MAYBE
We’re none of us fooled by the Christmas atrocity special this year, naturally, but oh yes: some rocking in the squee world to the news that David Tennant’s career will not be determined by one role alone. We covered that last month of course, but to date no replacement has been confirmed aside from the odd slip of the tongue (or not). So there’s little fun to be had for the moment, except perhaps in ringing the doorbell at Kasterborous.com and shouting “James Nesbitt!” until they come to the door all red-faced and cross. Ah, fan sites. So easy to wind up.

We’ll know when we know (as we all know). Remarkably, the regular viewing audience has far from imploded with the suspense. 

SOMEONE’S GETTING A SMACK FOR THIS
Oh, TV Guide – will you ever win?

They must do their research using the Guinness Book of Records or something.

BACK IN OUR DAY WE CALLED IT “FILKING”. AND WE KEPT IT TO OURSELVES.
When they’re not ruining our niche cult series by making it all popular and profitable, the younger generation still have a lot to answer for. Why only this month they claimed (in the pages of DWM, no less) to have invented the art form of “Trocking” – that is, Time Lord Rocking; writing songs about Doctor Who. Big yawn, you might think – when we were mere scraps we not only had “Frocking,” but we also had “Gunning” as well and we were grateful, you can keep your “Trocking” well away from me and my children, et cetera. But truth to tell, some of it isn’t half bad. Take a look at this talented little shite fan and tell me you don’t have an earworm infestation.

Yes, very good young man. Now get to bed.