Fast Return – July 2009


We’re back like spoiler pictures, baby! What better way to ring in the changes than a new set of clothes, TARDIS and screwy-driver? We can talk about all that later of course, and we will, but in the mean-time…  

TORCHWOOD WRITER FALLS ON SPORK Crikey hell – who could have seen the ratings success that Children of Earth would prove to be? Absolutely zomgazing, full credit to the boys, and lots of viewer and fan reaction mainly due to the big shocker in the story (well, that there’s actually a story was a shock itself of course), the mancandy-ectomy that was Ianto’s death. Goodbye, Cardiff’s Teaboy. We can laugh about this of course, and how some of us have, but others did not take the development so well. Co-writer James Moran’s blog The Pen is Mightier Than the Spork was the victim of a barrage of complaints from ‘Janto’ fans who had just, well, had enough of all this sort of thing and in the modern way took Moran to task for the group action and pretty much demanding the Doctor’s timey-wimey intervention to undercut much of the drama of the whole thing undo the crime. Well, fair enough – if we can drag Earth around the cosmos on the end of a TARDIS grinning into the camera like loons surely resurrecting a dead Torchwood member is no trouble? I mean, what could possibly go wrong with that? 

THE NAME’S POND… Of course it is. We’ve had a River and a Lake after all. What’s next perhaps, a cameo by Billy Ocean?

NEW CLOTHES, NAME, DEUS EX SCREWDRIVER, OLD CHUM It’s all too much, too soon! We can’t possibly deconstruct so much visual input in one sitting! Luckily we know some people who can, and as usual, it’s best to step away from the immediate Who fan community for real clarity. Take it away, intolerant potty-mouthed Americans of Aint-It-Cool-News forums:


 Such a missed opportunity. by Hint_of_Smegma Jul 20th, 2009 12:20:56 PM When they rebooted Dr Who, with Eccleston, they could have made the show genuinely something special – serious and well written with touches of humour. They picked the wrong showrunner though, and it was too kiddified to be taken seriously. I know, I know – it was always aimed at the kids somewhat in the good old days – but at least then it assumed the kids were bright enough to understand interesting science fiction ideas and it had more than it’s fair share of darkness. They could have capitalised on that and aimed at the more grown up market than the kids – instead, we get this day glo, manicly acted dose of confection for the ADD afflicted youngsters of today’s British council estates. Great. In terms of acting, we went from Eccleston – who is a great actor – to Tennant – who is a parody of an actor – to this non-entity. The words ‘diminishing returns’ come to mind. And don’t get me started on the writing.


Er, which bit wasn’t about the writing again?


Jesus, that guy’s haircut makes me want to punch him in the face by hamster factor Jul 20th, 2009 01:25:40 PM Sorry, that’s the automatic reaction I have ever time I see a pic of this dude. I hope he’s a kick ass 11th doctor – but that emo hair is going to take some getting used to.


I have no comment on this, but it did make me laugh.


Twilight Emo Doctor by fiesterJul 20th, 2009 01:28:55 PM Is he a vampire now? On the plus side the new companion is a babe. Love the busty ginger.


Oooh yeah! That Donna Noble – whew!

David Tennant CAN NOT ACT by _Palmer_EldritchJul 20th, 2009 01:30:58 PM His pseudo-comic routines ruined several episodes of the show, and when he tried to be emotional he was downright annoying. So while I wanted to vomit all over Tennants face, I just want to punch this new doc real hard. Ergo: improvement.


You wanted to do what? We’ll be hearing more about bodily functions soon, folks!


Tennant will be too busy filming the DR. WHO movie to play Bilbo by SpyGuyJul 20th, 2009 01:46:55 PM Details this Saturday at the DOCTOR WHO panel at Comic-Con, no doubt.

Hmm, yeah. Doubting confirmed doubly then – no movie, no Bilbo.  

Bottom Line by kwisatzhaderachJul 20th, 2009 01:48:38 PM Moffat is the most talented writer on Who since Robert Holmes. Nothing to worry about, RTD and his farting aliens and shitty Master and all his big camp excess is gone. The future starts here.


I told you! These Americans and their famous toilet obsession!


During his 12th regeneration Dr. Who will turn evil. by FarealJul 20th, 2009 02:09:46 PM Any real Dr. Who fan knows that in a previous episode, Dr. Who faced an evil version of himself. I can’t wait…


Yeah… about that Valeyard thing…


  11th Doctor? 12th Doctor? by HagakureJul 20th, 2009 02:13:49 PM Strictly speaking (in terms regeneration cycles) couldn’t we say David Tennant was the 10th AND 11th Doctor? He did, in fact, go through a regeneration again at the end of last season but then channeled it into that chopped off hand. But still, it is fun to point out semantics.


Oh no it isn’t.

God, that man is one creepy looking poofter. by thedarklinglordJul 20th, 2009 02:15:49 PM Sorry, but nobody is going to be able to adequately fill the role after Tennant, least of all that pedophile-looking goober. The series is now dead to me.


my problem with this is… by ObscuraJul 20th, 2009 03:31:53 PM lack of continuity. changing both the doctor and the companion together is gonna be a big shift. it may break the show, throwing out almost every character anyone recognizes is a dangerous move.

Agreed. Down with this new Jon Pertwee/Caroline John regime!

Looks like a couple who can by kabong Jul 20th, 2009 03:36:28 PM RELATIONSHIP

Yep, thats what I’m worried about too, Mister kabong

Will the racist bastards let the 12th Doctor be Black? by FarealJul 20th, 2009 07:58:05 PM The 7th or 8th Doctor should have been Black, but I guess the racist bastards in charge of the Dr. Who show just couldn’t let a “brother” take over. I guess we will have to wait for England to elect a Black prime minister before we will see a Black Dr. Who. We all ready know there will never be a Black King or Queen. Racism is alive and well in the United Kingdom!!!


How does this show change? It’s an old dude in a box! by lockesbrokenlegJul 20th, 2009 10:08:47 PM

I genuinely think that has to be the most brilliant summation of the show I’ve ever read!

Tennant is a gurning tit. by brock landers babyJul 20th, 2009 11:48:17 PM

Okay, maybe this too.

Doctor Poof by smackfuJul 21st, 2009 04:27:54 AM

It only took me three seconds to write that! (including a spell check)”

i’m going to give this mr. smith a try. by mr. smithJul 22nd, 2009 02:56:05 AM i was heartbroken when eccelston left, then tennant came along and became my second favorite doctor. that’sthe genius of doctor who, i’ve come to enjoy many actors for their fleshing out of a great character.

Many’ meaning… two then, right?

You can’t make this stuff up. Fortunately you can cut and paste it:

lockesbrokenleg by dioxholsterJul 20th, 2009 05:49:28 PM British people are like carnival people.

You’re awesome. Moving right along…

It’s still a mouthful of initials though. Change! More change, I say!

And pretty cool it is also. Well, in these early days all new forums look good because they’re less busy and easier to browse and we haven’t yet succumbed to the weird ‘Wrinkly’ ‘Squee myself in public’ subforum phenomenon. Yet. Paul’s rating well, as noted of course. And elsewhere, an old TSV article gets more recognition than it probably deserves (exept for Alden’s parts in it which are, like the new message board, quite fab).

At last! After years of wondering what tuneless ditty Vicki was attempting to whistle in The Chase, that answer can now be found. And all without the aid of VidFire – yay!

And it’s music to our ears to hear that Mad Tom Baker the Mad is returning to the world of audio in a set of new stories! Hooray! After infamously rejecting Big Finish’s offer of a script by Paul Magrs he’s now to work on a series of stories for the Beeb written by… er, Paul Magrs. Oh well. Oh, and Tegan’s back on audio soon too (for BF) again, so for seasons 17 on we’re sorted for all available companions and Doctors now being on audio! We didn’t miss anybody out, did we?


Oh dear.

10 Responses to “Fast Return – July 2009”

  1. Alden Says:

    I think someone’s selling themselves a leetle short on that article!

    Amy Pond? Feh! We should honour the original series and have sensible names like Tegan Jovanka and Perpugilliam Brown. (Say, isn’t it about time we had a non-Brit companion?)

  2. the_other_dave Says:

    (and I aint talking Norse metal),

    I don’t know what you did to the leader photo, but that’s going to give me nightmares.

  3. Peter A Says:

    I had to do SOMETHING Dave, I was running out of skimpy ladies in their skimpies!

    I did briefly (ha ha) consider a glam shot of Amber Benson, in honour of Ianto. But decided that was probably a reference too stretched.

  4. the_other_dave Says:

    Hmm, the other half notes that it doesn’t always have to be female eyecandy.

    And surely the PJ Hammond script proved he was supposed to be Joanna Lumley…

  5. Peter A Says:

    Tell her I was having trouble fitting Seventies Pronstar Colin in a landscape image.

  6. jpreddle Says:

    THE NAME’S POND… Of course it is. We’ve had a River and a Lake after all. What’s next perhaps, a cameo by Billy Ocean?

    And don’t forget – stream is an anagram of….

  7. the_other_dave Says:

    … but will her hair colour remain the same throughout the series, or will it be a case of “No, Ms Pond, we expect you to dye…”

    I’ll get my coat.

  8. Peter A Says:

    I LOLed!

  9. jpreddle Says:

    My arse it is.

  10. Peter A Says:

    Er, sorry Jon – you’ve lost me there?

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