The Remains of the Davies

crystalcapitolNow then. With the Kitschmas Special out of the way and the assurance that David Morrissey is just for Christmas and not for life, our attention must surely go to 2009′s pre-Moffat specials. The Latter Days of our Saintly David. The  last squirts of ink from Dame Russel’s nib, as it were.

Here at Zeus Blog Terraces we’ve assembled a crack team of three prognosticators to scry their way into the hours that lie ahead of us,  scattering the tea leaves, rummaging through the goat entrails, reading the clouds in order to divine what they think we’ll see before Great Rusty’s candle is snuffed in NuWholand. Here’s what they thought.

First up, here’s an urchin in the form of young Jamas, shivering in the snow and cradling a tiny coal in his blistering palms to stave death’s chill away. What have you for us, m’lad?

“1. Rose will be name checked, because it is still Rose Who.”

“2. The Daleks will be back, because everyone loves the ratings! …I mean, the Daleks!”

“3. There’ll be a proper future story that isn’t full of a broad range of English accents.”

“4. There’ll be the most amazing historic figure ever! (I’m thinking Mozart.)”

“5. There’ll be a returning monster that’ll be nothing like their own series counterpart, because why break with tradition there?”

Intriguing. Away with you, lad – for I see the callow figure of a gentleman – why, it’s Lord Alistair, leading another charge of workhouse trulls to the knacker’s yard. I’d wager Her Majesty’s spaniels will not go without a yuletide treat this year neither, but what’s this? More soothsaying?

“The Series 4 finale resolved a lot of Rusty-isms (Rose, her family and Mickey, Donna, the Doctor’s hand and even Martha to a lesser extent) leaving only a handful of elements to be tied up, if indeed that is his agenda…”
“1. I have a feeling that Captain Jack’s destiny will be dealt with in some way, as his Rose-induced immortality was completely ignored when they finally reunited last year.  Whether this involves Jack somehow regaining his mortality, or even dying in a camp blaze of glory remains to be seen.”

“2. The resurrection of classic villains is an easy one, and I’m tending to plump for the Ice Warriors (Mr Davies, I’ve got a design all ready for you!), Earth reptiles (aquatic or subterranean) or even everyone’s favourite one-off – the Zygons.”

“3. The destruction of Gallifrey is one of the major defining elements of Davies vision for the Doctor, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is revisited somehow.  Surely they’ll want to re-use that lovely CGI Capitol?  Whether it’s a flashback, a re-set, alternate universe Timelords or some other concoction I won’t be surprised if we see those silly collars again next year.”

“4. Any talk of Gallifrey’s absence immediately leads to the Time War.  Yes, a flashback involving McGann and perhaps even Eccleston remains every fans’ dream – come on, you know you want to!  Please Mr McGann – you may have a good face for radio but we’d love to see it on the telly, too!”

“5. And that in return leads to talk of a multi-Doctor story.  But having already had Timecrash, the two Tennants and very soon a ‘next Doctor’ this may not seem as fresh as it once did, as much as I’d love to see the return of Eight and Nine.  So I’ll settle for what I’ve always wanted, a Quatermass, or even Hammer-inspired all-out horror movie.  Small rural village, ancient evil re-awakening, archaic mythology which might be extraterrestrial in origin – and not a sonic screwdriver in sight!”

Aha! Surely some touting for a role in the fate of us all there, Mr Hughes! Designs for His Rustliness to use, indeed! But here’s a queer fellow – that shady foreigner Peter A and his daemonic Ouija Board, fresh from a tour of the Orient. With a reedy voice he urges us near – what phantasms does he conjure from the growing winter mists?

“1. I foresee another Time Lord guest appearance. Will it be the Master again? I hope not – as much as I hope RTD has learned his lesson on resurrecting Rose to replay the whole separation angst thing all over again. Will it be the Rani? I hope not – Rusty doesn’t do cold and emotionless villainesses. Not in the long run, at least. Which leaves the only other returning temporal marauder – the Meddling Monk. He’d be perfect, too – no real baggage, not evil enough to be the Master Mk 2, and eminently disposable. Perfect guest star material.”

“2. England (and no other country) will be invaded again by aliens. I know! Call me impetuous, but a fool and his money, et cetera.”

“3. I’ll see Mister Hughes’ atmospheric Hammer-inspired tale and raise it one Gatiss, to wit, the next pre-series adaptation will be… Nightshade! Adapted by someone other than Mr Gatiss, of course.”

“4. That splendid and efficient Mister Gareth Roberts will produce for us a script that will have us falling about once more and slapping our thighs with merriment. And afterward, feeling a little confused and empty.”

“5. Enough dallying with Zygons and Sea Devils! We know one’s in the bag, for almost certain! No, the real money is on which less-loved Auld Series monster Arty Davies will reference in a tossed off non sequitur during one episode. So far we’ve had the Sensorites and the Macra, as well he’s wedded the Abzorbaloff to his own flatulent progeny the Slitheen. So who will it be? I suspect it’ll be one to please either himself, or his fans. And I’ll say only this: it will rhyme with ‘Spandrells’. No! You cannot press me further!”

He’s vanished. What a strange creature! Surely nothing more strange will pass our eyes to bedevil us with the Curse of Kassandra. And yet, do my eyes deceive me, or is this the form of the young artist Jonno, laden with a brace of bristles, some light canvas and surgeon’s blades?

“1. The Tenth Doctor’s last words will be ‘allons-y’”

“2. The Master will be back for the last special”

“3. A BIG name will star in one of the specials (bigger than Kylie)”

“4. A popular pop ditty will play over a hugely important plot development. £10 says it’s the Ting Tings.”

“5. Hugh Grant is the next doctor. Maybe.”

The Ting-Tings! Bless that young man and his fevered rantings. So what of you all, dear readers? Have you a predilection for prediction? Do you dare to look into the future? Cast the die – tell us what you foresee!

5 Responses to “The Remains of the Davies”

  1. Peter A Says:

    I’ve added in Jono’s predictions, previously omitted in a campylobactic delirium (sorry, pal). And can I just say re the title of the first special (now revealed), that it’s a shoe-in for an updated story generator. Are you reading this Ald?

    That, and if you replace ‘Daleks’ in any Dalek story title with the last word of the next story title, you don’t half get some weird coincidences.

  2. Thad Ritchards Says:

    Since the last words of the Tenth Doctor are not necessarily the last words spoken in the special, I’m not gainsaying Jono when I further predict: The last word spoken in the last special will be…. “What?”

  3. the_other_dave Says:

    Hmmm, I was away on holiday when this first went up… I should have forseen it.

    My picks (picked out from the above):

    1, The 10th Doctor’s last words will be the “sorry, so sorry” stichik again.

    2, There will be a Timelord/Galifreyan turning up, but it will either be someone new, or (my personal pick) Drax – look forward to some stunt casting with Eddie Izzard/Eric Idle/Allan Davis type comic.

    3, Speaking of stunt casting, there will be a jaw dropping WTF!? moment when someone you least expected pops into the show for a bit (think Derek Jacobi again – who would’ve thought they could’ve got Iggle Piggle? Big name – but also left feild – which means lots of us outside of the UK won’t get it).
    P.S. Yes I know where Jono got the Hugh Grant from – and knowing Rusty’s “idle comments” previosly – heaven help us, it could happen….

    4, Outstanding (pick your definition) plot threads to be completely ignored/picked up/contradicted:
    a, Jenny
    2, Donna (if they can’t leave Rose and Martha alone – that sob story is just waiting for additional fiddling)
    Thirdly, Oscar Hargen (yes I know that isn’t the name scripted but he’ll show up in some form again later).

    5, Another spinoff franchise is set up.

  4. Al Says:

    Oh, and one more thing – Murray Gold’s ‘Song for Ten’, (no doubt a stirring instrumental version) will be unleashed just prior to Tennant’s regeneration. You mark my words!

  5. Foo Says:

    Well, I’ll throw my two pence in over a month late.

    1. Donna will be back
    2. Jenny will be back
    3. The Master will be back
    4. Ice Warriors will be back, BUT not until series 5
    5. I think that the Torchwood special (finale?) this year could potentially tie up the Captain Jack fluff…of course, if TW is back after this year, who really knows? I think that Jack could return to Moffat Who…guess it all depends on his direction.

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