Monster Mash: Round Two
We’re back in the Death Zone of Gallifrey, where the grimmest and greatest of televisual Doctor Who monsters are slugging it out for the coveted tiara of infamy – first prize in our inaugural Monster Mash! True to the original Death Zone the Daleks and Cybermen will not be making an appearance because a) they’re ‘too good’ at the game and b) that rivalry has already been played out and not everyone was happy. We couldn’t allow a rematch – there’s simply too much at stake!
But first: Round One Results:
The battles were hard fought – one was a weird struggle between crustaceans and creepers, another looked like a squad of Vogans beating themselves up. They fought on the causeway, in the air, and in the ice caves; but in the end only one team of each location could be the winner.
Ultimately two bouts were so close they ended in a tie, so we had to go to our impartial touch judge, the glamorous Jonovoratrelundar to give us the casting vote. And the winners are:
Ice Warriors, Sycorax, Refusians, Tractators, Menoptra, Rutans, Krynoids and Draconians.
Each team will return in Round Three, to face a new enemy apiece. And so the game continues after the fold…
So then, the combatants for Round Two are as follows…
Location: The Slate Quarry
Teams: Mutts versus Vervoids
The Mutts have chitinous armour, pincers for Africa and no central nervous system; the Vervoids breathe toxic marsh gas and carry virulent spines in their leafy hands.
Initiative goes to: The Vervoids
Location: The Rocklands
Teams: Sontarans versus Krillitane
Can the Sontarans’ low centre of gravity, strength and superior firepower prevail against the ferocious winged enemy – or will the Krillitane find their weak spot?
Initiative goes to: Krillitane
Location: The Savannah
Teams: Terileptils vs Cheetah People
Miners and hunters, both equipped with hunting blades. Resourceful, remorseless. Cold blooded spacefaring reptiles versus the only team to bring horses to a knife fight.
Initiative goes to: The Terileptils.
Location: The Mirror City
Teams: Toclafane versus Krotons
Insane killing machines in force-fields versus intelligence-devouring armour-encased crystalline aliens with serious firepower. Initiative goes to: Toclafane
Location: The Inland Sea
Teams: Sea Devils versus Zygons
It’s an underwater combat round! Both teams have a wildcard to draw in a bio-engineered leviathan – but will it be enough to turn the tide? The Zygons have the advantage on land, but the Deep 
belongs to the Sea Devils and their pet.
The Sea Devils’ Myrka can conduct electricity and withstand great pressure, but it all at sea on land. The Zygons’ Skarasen is faster, larger, and caries a nastier bite.
Initiative goes to: The Zygons
Location: The Wasteland
Teams: Primords versus Ogrons
It’s the cage fight to end them all! Alternative man descendants with superhuman strength, a burning touch and madness versus Darwin’s worst nightmare: a monkey with a gun!
Initiative goes to: The Ogrons
Location: The Graveyard
Teams: Haemovores versus The Racnoss
Vampires against Spiders! The Haemovores can only be repelled by ‘faith’, are immune to bullets but not the usual vampiric antidotes; the Racnoss have sharpened legs and can spin giant webs. Initiative goes to: The Haemovores
Location: The Power Complex
Combatants: Axons versus Slitheen
Power-hungry cuckoos face off! In their natural form the Axons are virtually unstoppable and feature plasmic tendrils, while the speedy Slitheen have smarts and giant claws. Initative goes to: The Slitheen
Let the voting commence!
March 12th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Dude – you really got to put a closing date on these main posts.
And which were the ties last time? Enquiring mind need to know.
My picks for round 2:
Mutts v Vervoids: The plant men have the passion – these guys have got to win. The Mutts are just missunderstood, waiting for the next stage of evolution or waiting for the next bus.
Sontarans v Killitrans: Even tho they have a passion for chips, the schoolmasters ain’t going to dice the potato boys. Victory for the Clone Rangers.
Terilepils v Cheeta People: No advantage in location – this is basically astronauts vs cavemen again isn’t it. Without a handy robot or chemistry set I think the Lizards are on the back foot. Me-ow.
Toclafane v Krotons: – Vector Point? Victory to the crazy people.
Sea Devils vs Zygons: My money is on the shape shifters with initative advantage. Sea Devils never really convince me of being a threat without the Master or Siluruians in tow.
Mykra v Nessie: Always give way to the biggest bus. Giant glove puppet beats pantomime pony.
Primords v Orgons: Oh god! Astronaut cavemen v cavemen. The win goes to the smarter and more organised fighting force – I just never thought I’d be saying that about the Ogrons…
Haemavores v Racknos: Evil from the dawn of time against evil from the end of time. A question I never asked in the previous quiz – when we use a monster which appeared as a singular (1 krynoid, 1 racknoss, 1 nimon) do we assume the same here? Money is on the Racknoss.
Axons v Slitheen: Can’t we just blow up the power complex and be done with it? A win to the Axons. Ho hum.
March 13th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Dave, I see it as a group of whatevers involved (except when it clearly just one).
Teams: Mutts versus Vervoids
I would think the Mutts would be better at moving around the location, and be largely impervious to Vervoid stingers… so I’m going for the Mutts.
Teams: Sontarans versus Krillitane
Sontarans would be good in the location, but Krillitane have flying capabilities and would probably snack on the Sontarans (although be very tasteless). But I think that the weaponed military would defeat the unarmed flyers (who would need to get into close comfort).
Teams: Terileptils vs Cheetah People
Unless Terileptils can get their hands on the ability to create an android or affect rats (which they can’t), this is a stomping for the Cheetah People!
Teams: Toclafane versus Krotons
Krotons need their direction points. Short of Larry Krotons, should be an easy win for the Toclafane.
Teams: Sea Devils versus Zygons
Don’t remember the Zygons having underwater swimming abilities, and they need to get the Myrka to eat the homing device, so the Sea Devils win with the Myrka!
Teams: Primords versus Ogrons
Fight! Fight! Fight! However, while they are matched in strenght, the fight goes to the monkeys who have the guns.
Teams: Haemovores versus The Racnoss
I see this as being largely two groups bitchslapping each other without either getting anywhere! We don’t really know how the Racnoss fight, so it seems to be sharp claws versus web binding. Frankly, I think the Racnoss would give up and go home in bordom, ceeding to the Haemovores.
Combatants: Axons versus Slitheen
The Axons would basically whip the Slitheen into submission (this is one of the few creatures the Slitheen wouldn’t overwhelm).
March 13th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
With even less time than er, the last time here goes:
The Vervoids
Sontarans
Cheetah People
Toclafane
Sea Devils
Orgons
Haemovores
Axons
March 13th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Jamas is right Dave – unless otherwise stated (and aside from our wildcard creatures none have been), teams are made up of plural individuals. Also, I assume the ‘young’ racnoss to not be as giant or as immobile as the Empress. They’re giant spider-men, with giant spider abilities and spider-senses, in other words.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
And now here’s Al:
Mutts versus Vervoids
The heavily-carapaced Mutts aren’t going to be bovvered by toxic spines. Once again it comes down to pincers versus fronds, and let’s get it right, this time!
Victory to the Mutt-cho men from Solos!
Sontarans versus Krillitane
Both hold simmering resentment at having played second fiddle to Sarah Jane in her intro and re-intro stories. But unleashed upon one another I believe we’ll be in for a short, sharp round of Clay-Krillitane shooting. The glorious Sontaran Empire triumphs!
Terileptils versus Cheetah People
What happens when a cat is left alone with a tropical fish for long enough? On the Savannah feline agility has it over Saward’s finest, who would struggle to tie their own shoe-laces. Bag-Puss takes Nemo and the Cheetah People win!
Toclafane versus Krotons
Once again, the Kroton’s cat-like agility… no just kidding. Robert Holmes’ first monsters go up in clouds of toasted crystals and the Master’s newest friends win this one.
Sea Devils versus Zygons
“Nic-c-ce s-s-suckers-s-s, but have you met my gun?”
The nudey orange boys go down with not-so-mysterious circular burn-marks right in the middle of their over-sized foreheads.
Cowabunga Dude – turtles triumph!
Myrka versus Skarasen
Ever stepped on a bee with your bare foot? You’ll get stung, but there’s not much of the bee left afterwards.
This round goes to the Skarasen – who’s still trying to scrape some Myrka off it’s foot.
Primords versus Ogrons
Dumb and Dumber!
You don’t work for the Daleks just to be seen off by a bunch of comedy werewolves.
Ogrons outsmart their enemy this time (imagine that!)
Haemovores versus the Racnoss
Assuming the Racnoss can actually move from the spot. (and let’s face it, the Haemovores weren’t exactly lithe either). the vampires will end up the exsanguinated ones this time.
Sarah Parrish is much more terrifying!
Axons versus Slitheen
I’m not sure Axons can actually be killed, even by Slitheen flatulence. Insanely long explosive tentacles have it over insanely big claws – the spaghetti monsters win!
March 13th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Peter: is the Myrka/Skarasen fight part of the Sea Devil/Zygon fight, or a separate fight?
March 14th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Both creatures are supposed to be in the same fight and not separate; but I don’t have a problem with the split victory Al awards as the wildcards are for this round only and neither creature will advance any further.
March 14th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Mutts vs Vervoids: in the open air, the Vervoids’ gas is going to be ineffective, and Mutt armour should be more than enough protection against their poison spines – win to the Mutts
Sontarans vs Krillitane: Hmm, stompy soldiers versus a bunch who panicked when faced with a shooty metal dog. A walkover for the Sontarans!
Terileptils vs Cheetah People: Like the Silurians, the Terileptils prefer to let their technology do the walking. And they’re very slow moving. The only question is how does Terileptil meat taste?
Toclafane vs Krotons: Krotons, much as a love their look, will last about three seconds against the Master’s Balls of Doom.
Sea Devils vs Zygons: I think ordinarily the trained Sea Devils would win, but the wild cards tip the match into the Zygon’s favour, so they win!
Primords vs Ogrons:Assuming the Ogrons are smart enough to shoot the Primords before they get close, it’s an easy victory for them…
Haemovores vs The Racnoss: Spiderdemons beat porridgefaces!
Axons vs Slitheen: Axons shrug off machine gun fire, while Slitheen explode if you chuck vinegar on them. RTD’s farty aliens don’t stand a chance.
March 16th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Alrighty then – I’ll put my two pants in:
Mutts versus Vervoids
It’s an outdoor venue, so unless the vervoids can trap some of their marsh gasesthey might not be able to rely o that too well. Similarly, we’re not sure how well their spikes would work against bonded polycarbide chitin or what have you. The Mutts have to be the stronger team – so it’s the Mutts. Pity.
Sontarans versus Krillitanes
Alden’s been stealing my best lines. The Krillers have the mobility, but I rather fancy the shooty spud things have the better firepower. And I suspect the enxt big on-screen fight we want to see is Sontarans versus Rutans. Let’s beat RTD to what could be a disappointing season finale, and give the win to Team Linx.
Terileptils versus Cheetah People.
They both have crafty wee knives and claws and teeth, but what gives the winning team their edge is a horse, or course. Cheetahs prosper this time.
Sea Devils and Zygons / Myrka and Skarasen
It’s the subtle difference between having a weapon and not again, I’m afraid (even with the fan retconned ‘sting of the Zygons’). As for the fight for life aquatic, I’m betting on a rather bedraggled and possibly mortally wounded Myrka surviving this bout. That electric shock has either got to put the Skarasen off, or finish it off. Besides which, the Myrka has hands – it could just pick up a gun and shoot the bloody thing >:)
Primords versus Ogrons
In the age old and noble tradition of cage fighting, it’s said that the combatant who bears weapos – oh sod it, it’s the Ogrons.
Haemovores versus Racnoss
The spiders have it on speed, agility and the ability to walk across ceilings and spin webs (probably). They’ll string the Haemovores up for supper – or immobilise them and use those sharpened legs to do the rest. Eww.
Axons versus Slitheen.
Nobody light a match. Despite that, the Axons will wobble all over the baby-faces killers.
March 16th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Erm… is Round 2 going to have any additional voters? Jon? Paul? Graham? Adam? Alex? Neil? Rochelle? Hello??
March 16th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Entirely up to them, my man.
How about you?
March 16th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I’m happy in my role as tie-breaker at this stage…
March 17th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
You should really vote Jono…come on, you can do it. We know you have much more to give than just a tie breaker
March 17th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Love those Vervoids – they are just so planty and I think they would be quite friendly with the good old monster Krynoid. However, in this case I think the Mutts will have the brute force to nip through and slice the topiary bushes into lovely swans – in fact, I think you can make one out in Father’s Day outside the church. Mutts win.
Sorry, the bad ass Sontarans have little shooty rods which would nail those Krillitanes. With Krillitanes winning initiative, a couple of Sontarans will fall, but the stocky warriors will eventually triumph. As the Krillitanes are an amalgamated race it would be interesting to see what they would look like if they managed to bring a Sontaran body print into the fold…
Kitty on horses win. They move fast and will hunt those beautiful lizards down quickly – no mess, no fuss. It also helps they are pretty much in their home territory.
Those guns are big and zappy and could blast the Toclafane clear out of the sky. However, if the Toclafane get close and assuming their blades can cut the Krotons down to size then victory goes to a fat clone.
Under the boardwalk, down by the seeeeeaaaa…well, really if it is water based, it’s the Sea Devils all the way. However, this does leave me wondering just how the Zygons do handle underwater. Would be very interesting nonetheless.
Leviathan wise, the Skarasen is king. Kind of reminds me of a sock puppet from the Drashig era.
Primords – they’re just so primal and evil. Madness is the true winner and I think the Ogrons would be forced to run away (they’re not that stupid)!
You’re really making me think here. I’d be rooting for the Haemovores, but maybe they’re outclassed by those big sharp pointy legs. Could the Racnoss rip the walking dead apart? I think they could but maybe the dead won’t stay dead and will rise to fight another day. Haemovores win but I’m biased.
Bring on the pain! The Axons would make some serious mincemeat of the Slitheen. I wonder if their ‘honey trap’ figure would be a golden Slitheen instead of a golden human?