Fast Return – Armageddiconafanalooza Edition

fastreturnsyllogo.JPG

WE’RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT’S 1987!
Truly, we are living in a Golden Age. A Doctor Who is touring the country with Gandalf and has made the time to stop by and see us. And TSV enters its third decade. It’s all here in our special bumber-sized bijou edition of Fast Return

ORCINI’S CAREER SAVED BY ZEUS BLOG!
You read it here first, folks.  And then you probably read it here.

IT WAS TWENTY YEARS AND A WEEK OR SO AGO TODAY!
July 1987. Where were you? Were you even born yet? On this month in history future-TARDIS anagram Kylie Minogue put her singing career into motion with, er, ‘The Loco-motion’. The world’s population turned five billion. TSV‘s readership was two. It all began there though. How did you mark the event? A moment’s silence? Hugging the nearest Xerox machine? Thinking of Ken Dodd’s casting in Delta and the Bannermen and clenching your fists? We camped out at the Auckland University Library to find the original photocopier that made the dream a reality, but it’s been sent to that service depot in the sky, the original photocopier bay refitted to include computer terminals. Our balloons may have shrunk, the Miami wine cooler gone flat and the Cheezels gone stale, but the dream lives on. Happy birthday TSV!

THE HISTORY OF TSV REVISED!
It was tantalisingly promised on the Armageddon website, then cruelly corrected – revised, even. So in order that a few fans are traumatised as possible by this loss, here’s what our research boffins came up with:

  • The first issue of TSV was actually discovered in the form of some microfilms found embedded in some glass cubes dug up in Terry Nation’s back garden. Translated by David Whittaker and resized to A5, they became the quarterly fan newsletter we enjoy today.
  • The Christchurch years of the NZDWFC never existed, but were in fact a crafty way of utilising the Garden City’s lighter tax regime. It’s all obvious when you realise that Andrew Poulsen is an anagram of LAUNDER NEW SOP – that ‘sop’ being of course the TSV coffer. Thought you’d get that one past us, eh Paul?
  • Volumes 1 through to 5 (plus volume 9) of the Doctor Dictionary were in fact composed and published, but were incinerated by BBC Archives in 1974 and now rest somewhere deep underneath the Johnsonville Landfill.
  • With the imminent departure of TARDIS Tales fromthe TSV roster the zine’s editorial team was put into an intense panic. By chance during the turmoil Junior Editor Matthew Dentieth knocked over a table of Banana Man and Viz comics, and Erato was born.
  • Plans for TSV 70s editorial to be made available as a podcast from the NZDWFC website were shelved at the last minute, when it was discovered that playing the audio backwards revealed the phrase “Paul is Dead” repeated throughout the recording.

AND FINALLY…

piechart.JPG

4 Responses to “Fast Return – Armageddiconafanalooza Edition”

  1. Jono Says:

    Whilst you line up in the autograph queue with your first edition copy of Delta and the Bannerman… a little girl waits…

  2. the_other_dave Says:

    errr…. quaterly?

  3. Peter A Says:

    Oops. That would be the OTHER old UKSF series!

  4. Paul Scoones Says:

    Oh dear, are we wheeling on the African child now?

    If we’re going to go down this line of reasoning, then there are infinitely more morally and socially responsible things to spend one’s dosh on than celebrity autographs – or any Doctor Who merchandise at all for that matter.

    The reality is that the guests at these events require appearance fees for their participation, and the money raised from the autographs goes some way towards meeting these costs. This is standard practice at many conventions featuring actors both in New Zealand and overseas.

    Referring to your diagram, you can rest assured that not a single cent of the $30 went on “NZDWFC promo”.

    Oh, and the spoons were free, too… :)

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.