Archive for March, 2008

Monster Mash: Round One

Thursday, March 6th, 2008


The setting: The Death Zone of Gallifrey:

The Set-Up: It’s Monsters beating up other monsters to determine which race – in a fight – are the ultimate champion! No robots, mind.

The Rules: Voting is open to YOU the reader. Assume the beasties have their own kit (but no spaceships of course). The most-voted for team wins each of their particular rounds and progresses to the next level.

Let’s begin…

 Location: The Labyrinth
Combatants: Ice Warriors versus Nimon

Mars’ finest come armed with sonic weapons and great swords for their noble class. Weaknesses include extreme heat. The Nimon can emit deadly beams from their horns and have great strength. Initiative is awarded to: Ice Warriors

 Location: The Catacombs
Combatants: Silurians versus Sycorax

Earth’s Silurians have built-in cranial emiters that radiate various energies including a lethal ray. The Sycorax have swords, spears, and blood magic (providing they get first blood!) Initiative is awarded to: The Sycorax

Location: The Plains
Combatants: Refusians versus Vogans

The invisible Refusians have their relative lack of visibility as their greatest strength (although they don’t always have the wits to cover their tracks). They are also very strong. The Vogans are armed with projectile firearms. Initiative is awarded automatically to: Refusians

 Location: The Ice Caverns
Combatants: Cryons versus Tractators

The Cryons of Telos are armed with energy blasters and thermal explosives, although exposure to even temperate climates can be fatal. The Tractators are unarmed, but have a Gravis as their coordinator. Their talent is to manipulate local gravity fields. Initiative is awarded to: Cryons

Location: Sky Arena
Combatants: Tetraps versus Menoptra

 Aerial combat! The Tetraps can fly for short distances and can paralyse with a bite. Their weapons fire nets. The Menoptra of Vortis can also fly and carry energy weapons. Their organisation is military. Initiative is awarded to: Tetraps

 Location: The Causeway
Combatants: Judoon versus Rutans

The Judoon carry flesh disintegrating blasters and are built, literally, like rhinoceri. Representatives of the Rutan Host can assume most animal forms and kill with electrical impulses. Movement in their natural state is awkward  and exhausting. Initiative is awarded to: Rutans

 Location: The Rainforest
Combatants: Macra versus Krynoids

The parasitic Macra have great claws and strength on their side, using a hypnotic gas to overpower living creatures around them. The Krynoids consume animal matter and can control plant life within a localised area, movement in their natural state is limited. Initiative is awarded to: The Macra

 Location: The Temple
Combatants: Voord versus Draconians 

Our final bout of the day pits the rubbery Voord – silent amphibious assassins with nasty knives against the noble Draconians and their sword and blaster combo. Initiative is awarded to: The Voord

Let the Voting Commence!

Fast Return February 2008

Saturday, March 1st, 2008


And so the summer of our squee-content has drawn to a close. The mainstream media call this part of the year the ‘silly season’, where not a lot of real news happens, so instead of trying to find it, the papers and telly rummage through the old ‘wack-o’ files for anything they can find to fill the tyranny of the front page. This sort of thing never happens in the Doctor Who community because we generally have interesting things to talk about all the time and can be relied upon to introduce topics of conversation that invite feedback and discourse.

Or so we thought.

In other spaces of the intertubes this tendency to acquire blog-like symptoms has mutated. In this example for… example, we see that it’s still the happiest time of the year.

Bored now.Still, last Christmas does seem to have been pretty unique for dragging on well into the first quarter of the following year, as Exhibit A (February’s DWM) proves. Please,  can we just step back in time from Kylie? She was a guest star, her character died, we moved on. What next? An update on what Imagination have been up to?

Enough grumpiness – or not! Yes, February brings us a new Spirit of Hartnell Award, and this time we award it with enormous pride to none other than the Restoration Team’s fearless spokesman Steve Roberts’ life-affirming statement on 2008′s big milestone.

Perhaps they’re concentrating on something extra special? Like CGI that not only fulfils a logical conclusion but actually adds to a story effortlessly. Like this!

And finally, you didn’t read it in Her Majesty’s zine, but Torchwood‘s back! And it’s been neutered improved with tighter stories, improved character motivation and less swears. We sort of miss that last bit because it made the show sound somewhat daft, unconvincing and pretend-cool, like listening to a bunch of third formers on a school bus. So in memory of the way things used to be, here’s a wee tribute to Torchwood series one: the Gordon Ramsay years.