Archive for the ‘FAST RETURN’ Category

Fast Return – November 2013

Monday, December 23rd, 2013








Look, you and I know that November is now a distant memory and that nothing happened that month (yuk yuk!), but here we are and there is is. Roll ‘em:

Number Eight, Wired
Ooh! Ooh! The Eighth Doctor returned for more than one night only! An he regenerated on Karn – too awesome, and to think it had its genesis in the fan genes of the current showrunner. he didn’t have to, but he did. And it’s one of the best things of 2013, really.  We know that 2014 is another year and that there’s a brand new fiftysomething Doctor to bed in, but can’t we have Paul back again, maybe for a flashback, pleaaase?

Here’s One I Made Earlier, etc
Not that the fan-fare was restricted to fan circles and sad old gits what wish for the return of Kamelion and the like. Here’s Doctor Who: Pertwee Logo‘s writer Matthew Jacobs blogging enthusiastically on Night of the Doctor See? The 50th Anniversary really is now for everyone!

Tom’s put it in, now
And you can say what you like about The Five-ish Doctors (we did, of course), but big ups to the elder statesman of Who for cameoing so wonderfully, so distinctively, and so enigmatically. “Who nose” simply knocks all possible spots off “Good luck, my dears!”. And yet, it’s impossible to divorce either line from the other, isn’t it? And that’s the magic of Tom.

I Can Hear You Lalla Lalla Lalla!
And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, Big Finish go and announce a Doc4/Romana2 series on audio for 2015 as well. Satan just bought a snowplough!

Barrowman! Smith!
Time Agents and Time Lords get everywhere, apparently, as these official historical photos from der web show quite clearly (hat-tip to Al and Deb for the Captain Jack)

Here’s Captain Jack – or is it…? and Here’s the Eleventh Doctor with a little help from his friends…

Bye Bye, Iris
Ah, but it weren’t all good audio news last month, as Paul Magrs had the sad duty to report the demise of Fig Bin’s Iris Wildthyme series, noted of course for putting Katy Manning in gainful and scandalous employment. It’s a crime that Aunty Iris never got a story with Tom or (for that matter) a full story with Sylv. But never say never, eh?

And finally…

I believe that Children are- Oh My Dear God!!!
You’ve heard enough from we barnacle-encrusted ‘classic’ fans to actually sink a ship from this year, so let’s have some words from the series’ future. Its bright-eyed, inquiring, fact-hungry, pants-wetting, weird, somewhat over-eager future…

Fast Return – October 2013

Saturday, November 23rd, 2013

[Quick - cover October before November runs out!]

Audio… Go
Go no more, alas. Sad news that AudioGO, holders of the license to new series audio fiction (and the odd classic series reading, plus of course the series that got Tom back behind [the] Mike) has gone into voluntary administration. There’s always Big Finish, it seems, but there is of course now less choice for new series fans –and that’s not a good thing.

Missing Presumed Found

So in October nothing hap- whaaa?

Alright, we’re late to the party again, but hell, what a party! TWO (or one and three-quarters if you must) Troughton stories back, soon to be available on DVD but more importantly immediately available to see on ITunes!!! What’s that? So long as you don’t live in NZ (and some other countries) Grr! Why, if it weren’t for the ever-regurgitating Omnirumour on GB’s Missing Episodes Forum (currently a locked thread because… because… hmmm) we’d have nothing else to hope for and would be scaling the walls of BBC Worldwide demanding The Lion back as recompense!

Suffice it to say: more please. Best. Anniversary. Present. Ever!

Clara’s Mud
Hey, Crooked Dice have made a figure that you could use as Clara if you want. If you squint, that is. How long til we get a Hurt Doctor figure then, eh?

Avoid LATE disappointment – be disappointed early!
Yeah, FigBin’s Light at the End has been released early! An odd thing, to be marking the anniversary a month early (apparently it was “always part of the plan” oh yes), but in this day of internet leaks and moles and other things you can pull out of your garden, it’s a reality of life, innit? Nothing stays secret for long, and premature releases will sometimes occur. In this case, BF swear that’s not what happened, and in any case L.A.T.E is, well, e.a.r.l.y. Plus, it comes amidst a pretty decent 1963-themed triptych of stories (they’re not linked, so it’s not a three-parter0 for BF Doctors 5, 6 and 7 that by all accounts have restored what has been a truly mixed year quality-wise for the audiomeisters. So that’s a Five Doctors for the post-classic series but with classic Doctors (including Tom!), and more companions than you could shake a sonic at. And it’s even come out on vinyl! Enjoy!

On the other hand, that cover looks a bit ropey.

Ticket to Riot
Aand just in time for the Anniversary weekend, tickets on sale for the big screening of The Day of the Doctor. In 3-D! Sigh. Didn’t get any, would have missed out anyway. Sounds like it would be a blast!

Still, there’s always the boundless world of imagination to explore…

[Phew. Think we got away with it this time...]

Fast Return – September 2013

Thursday, October 10th, 2013

Ah, September. Remember September? Nothing happened!

It’s hard to believe on this day, Recovery Eve, that there was a time when old fans and young fans weren’t maybe marveling over what’s possibly the greatest fumbled pass since some sports game, and that we weren’t all wondering whether we’d get news of recently-rescued 60s Who episodes from the Beeb or (as has happened already) some other news outlets. Yep, life was pretty dull for us back in September. Even the Missing Episode board on OutGallyBase looked like this:












And our conversations about watching the Hartnell era went all like this (sorry, shrunk because it contains adult situations. Click to embiggen, as it were):





Meanwhile, a little closer to the modern day old Doctors who aren’t dead in black and white or in the anniversary TV special (okay, bad analogy – sit down, Pertwee and Eccleston) all assembled in the drawing room for a group shot, like the band of elder statesmen they all are for the cover of DWM 465. There’s President Colin, looking all avuncular and presidential (yay!), there’s Syl with his cane, Tom operating his special new life-size Grumpy Pete puppet, and yay there’s Paul! We think. Well, we know he’s ickle in real life, but smaller than Syl?! Truly, bad Photoshop compositing has become the waxwork Doctor twenty-five years on.

Still, at least it’s not a patch on the oddball action figure theatre that is Big Finish’s ‘Light At The End lenticular cover.

Seriously, what the hell is the point of an advertisement advertising a hashtag? Is that not the quintessential not-getting-the-point of viral media? You don’t tell people what your hashtag is, you create the buzz and let the hashtag form itself in the process of it being shared and perpetuated (yes, like the dog, illustrated, above)!!! Honestly, call us on the 24th of November and we’ll see about that ‘buzz’, but in the mean-time Auntie, maybe think about suggesting a formal hashtag for something that’s already being discussed and really really needs focus and not misdirection and hearsay like, oh I dunno, missing episode recovery rumours? Aargh!!

I’m sorry, I’ve been watching a lot of Malcolm Tucker videos on YouTube today. Where were we…?

Oh yes, finally:


Jamas said we should put this up. It contains swears and socks – you have been warned!

Fast Return – August 2013

Sunday, September 22nd, 2013











…We can finally play this video. Woo!


Yeah. Well, here’s the thing. Right about now we did have plans to upload yet another enlightening video from the new generation of Doctor Who enthusiasts (are supposed to call them ‘enth-Who-viasts’ now? Search me) explaining the issue around Peter Capaldi’s casting and the dilemma it presents to what the series is supposed to be about – an exotic stranger who whisks viewer identification figures (i.e. age twenty-ish Western women) away for a romantic life in time and also space. It was a great video, possibly for some good reasons, but now we can’t upload it at all because wouldn’t you know it? said fangirl set the video to private shortly afterwards. And it could have explained So Much, as well. Boo!


You know, they say that everyone has a book in them. Some people have libraries in them, or multi-volume series in variant cover designs with individual dedication plates. I might have a pamphlet or two in me; it would explain my posture at least. But seeing as it’s the Anniversary Year it seems that everyone and, yes, their dog, has a Who-related book out to cash-in on mark this year of mass media communication. Why, not a month goes by on Gallifrey News Base without two things; yet another installment of the deathless jawcracker that is An Unending Series- sorry, that’s An Unearthly Series – the Origins of a TV Legend and the heart-stopping news that someone out there has just published part one of a new look at the history of Doctor Who in collectible teaspoons. Or another volume of recycled fan reviews. Or a behind-the-scenes glimpse at something. Or the massed opinions of people whose mass opinions you should read. Or a book about how Doctor Who isn’t just for ‘normal’ TV viewers anymore, it’s also picked up a significant following among the recently-deceased. Now, some of these books are, it must be said, very very good, and some are genuinely worth your eyeball leather. But in this year of 2013 the seemingly never-ending conveyor belt of new and revised title releases just has this man and his dog feeling like this:

Image and video hosting by


Or “erased from Doctor Who!!“, if you will. Last month in a breathtaking change from Stuff’s breathless coverage of PeterJacksondirectingWho!, the NZ Herald did some journalism ran an online poll asking readers who their favourite incarnation of the Doctor is/was (if you’re old). They even had an accompanying Photoshop filterisation of various publicity photos graphic for the textually-challenged, too. And of course, being a scientific survey, the resulting data omits Old Sixie from its Top Doctors score sheet. True, he fared an intergalactic ‘Nil Points’ in Eurovision style, but dammit  Zero is still a score, you heartless sods!!

The Missing Episodes thread is up to its twenty-fourth part now on Outpost Gallifrey, doggedly lumbering on like a Who-storical internet series in the face of disavowals and denials from the Beeb and episode hunters and restorers alike. Every week, the same faces, the same names, the same parsing of official statements and the same mad theories. We read this stuff so you don’t have to, you know.

Finally, a good sort.


The Lake of Mutations? A Force for Good? It may be closer than you think. Recently prime time identity-challenged social media affairs infotainment show Seven Sharp ran a story on Taupo’s Raoul Lealand, a man who, inspired by childhood memories and the chance find of a distinctive vacuum clearer part went and made his own operating Dalek , complete with water pistol and Cushing-styled dry powder fire extinguisher blaster functions. Uncynical, matter-of-fact, respectful and generous in its airtime to the charitable gentleman himself, this article tickled our ribs, warmed our hearts and made us proud to be Kiwi fans again. Reporter Hayden Jones even used Blam Blam Blam’s version of the Ron Grainer theme tune. Bravo Seven Sharp, and you legend, Mister Lealand!

And that’s our people last month.



Monday, August 5th, 2013



As seen in a vocal corner of Fandom earlier today (Warning, contains SHOUTING, SWEARS, SELF-HUMILIATION and is probably not what your boss might want to hear you tuning in to at work) 

Kids, stay above this line…


Fast Return – July 2013

Sunday, August 4th, 2013

Nothing happened last month. NO-THING!!


As near to quashed as you could get without being quashed yourself. And yet a small hardcore cling to the tales of a friend-of-a-friend-who-knows-a-bloke. The well may in fact be dry – weird thought, isn’t it?

Debunked via Twitter by the man hisself! Couldn’t you just SPIT?

To be revealed at 7pm tonight? Codswallop!!!

Try 6am tomorrow morning in NZ instead. The one time international date lines beat us to the punch – Oh man, it’ll be yesterday’s news by then!

Oh, but Mr Moffat he say he’s been lying his ‘ass’ off for a month now, so it’s anyone’s guess. And if you find any of the above hard to believe.

Impossible… to draw that is! Yes, courtesy of Mike Farmer, Clara Oswldwinohpleaseyourself finally debuted in the DWM comic strip. And in some panels, it even looks like her! A bit.

 I have nothing to segue into the next bit, so I’ll just say:

Yes, sir! Mathematical prodigy and fan whipping boy est 1981, Adric as played by Matthew Waterhouse, is set to return to Who in audio form. Woot! Squee! Zowie! This is excellent news, even if it’s only for one story. But quick, BFP – get a few stories for Adric with Tom in while you’re at it?  

For all your would-like-to-have-certain-characters-in-28mm-but-y’know needs, Crooked Dice present yet another Tweedy Mattinson accompanied by his chum Clara, plus, a favourite of this parish, feisty temp Miss Temple. Go get ‘em, boys.

And finally…

And if 28 millimetres is simply too small for your tastes, feast your peepers on a re-voiced ad for Character’s latest round of plastic diversions:


Fast Return – June 2013

Monday, July 22nd, 2013

Yeeeeahh, that month. Well, here it is/was! 

June 2013! The month that Doctor Who Fandom broke? Or was it the month the Anniversary celebrations toppled off their heels down the catwalk steps as the departure of an incumbent Doctor was leak- er, hastily announced? Maybe a bit of both.

It’s the hazard of over-managing your secrets, maybe. Nature abhors a vacuum, they say. And betwixt the announcement of Matt Smith’s hanging up his fez and today there’s been an ample amount of void-filling. So much so that you could base an RTD Dalek or Cybus episode scenario on it, in fact! But what does all this mean? Well, read on…

One of the big issues is that in an absence of hard, factual news, flimsy, insubstantial news will be concocted or agreed upon. Nothing too wrong wth that if your business is obfuscation and distraction leading up to the main event, MAYBE, but this is June. Six months to go (or fewer, if you’re of a mind to correct my maths.) And the problem with fake or simply false news is, the more it proliferates, the more frustrated those hungry for actual announcements get. Modern media, including social media, feed into the game, substituting ‘scoops’and ‘exclusives’ for fact-checking and generallly outsourcing verification to the huddled, impatient masses. And selling advertising. Oops. Witness:

Africa 90. It wasn’t a Live Aid follow-up! No sir. Look, it’s not too recent any more and lord knows the rumour had had more deaths and resurrections than Davros – it’s the Borad of missing episode rumours! The story that, allegedly up to ninety classic episodes were found in recent years in Africa, shipped to the UK and left a paper trail of freight manifests so compelling it took in Ian Levine and prompted a literal roller-coaster ride in unofficial missing ‘sodes forums is not the stuff of legend, if not actual fact. Was it a hoax generated by brilliant but truly evil fans with a couple of years up their sleeves? Apparently. Were we all furoius and broken-hearted when the collateral extended beyond those it was intended to ensnare? Probably…

…but was it also the single-most nail-biting thing to have unfolded over the Anniversary year to date, eclipsing even the official show in its twists and turns? You betcha. 

Let’s say this now: 2013 has been a stink-fest for actual new, exciting Who-related news. You can keep your stamp sets and minted coins; thirty days (oh, correct my maths, go on!) on from the reality of Smith’s successor disappearing in the fug of bookie charts and Entertainment page sidebars, fake rumours are all we have left.

That and well-intended competitions for booty.

Heh. Oh, The Book Depository. Well-intended askers of questions for Dr Who booty. How many episodes of Doctor Who were deleted, you ask? Even Richard Molesworth would have difficulty with that one – and said as much! They’ve since changed the competition question, but ho ho, it’s like Who Created the Daleks all over again!

McGann Tweets! yes, the Eighth Doctor starting making birdlike noises back in january of this year, and while we can’t possibly reproduce his first tweet (though it is a classic of modern inflective), he’s quite follow-able. Here’s his shout-out to an erstwhile nemesis:



Here’s his exchange with an erstwhile incarnation on the latter’s birthday (happy 70th Colin!)



And then later in the month a fan went and just asked him if he’d be in the anniversary special, and he twerted this:



What to say, eh?

Big Finish brings you More Hinchcliffe! This we like the sound of. Hell, anything that evokes the Tom Baker of old without comedy Kraals we like the sound of.

Look, I said this was old news. Fake Anniversary trailer:  Breakdown: Genius!

But to play us out instead and fresh from ComicCon, here’s Karen Gillan as a slaphead.

Ooh, missus!

Fast Return – May 2013

Sunday, June 2nd, 2013

 Well well well. It’s all kicking off, isn’t it?

Technically, with this being a May retrospective the news of June 1st naturally shouldn’t figure, but crikey – who saw this coming? Well, yes, quite a few people it seems. Still, the news of Matt Smith’s departure hasn’t gone down well with absolutely everyone, and we’ll likely all have a sore head before morning for one reason or another.


Still, at least it’s not as bad as Norwich, eh? Talk about your disturbances in the Force…

Expressions of outrage were of course ALL the rage in May of this year, particularly after the closing minutes of The Name of the Doctor. Here’s a selected number of reactions from off Twitter, which was invented by the children of the future to give voice to such concerns you know. Bless.

Elsewhere Tumblr came up with a scenario all McGann-loving oldies can cling to their bosom. yes, I know this is already dated as a viral meme and that everybody and their auntie’s dog has seen it but this is for posterity, okay?

Ayy, but that season finale, eh? Eh? The Name of the Doctor, which opened the door to his tomb. Who’d have guess it would after all this time be Doctor Please? Oh yes it was! And here was me thinking after all this time it was something else, like:

Semi-finally, if there’s anything The Name of the Doctor gave us, it was an episode with Madame Jennystrax in it, which we haven’t had for a while. If you’re in the mood for that sort of thing in 28mm but can’t find an officially sanctioned BBC toy to meet your requirements, you could always make do with these from Crooked Dice (or convert the Comedy Sontaran (TM) into Nimrod the Butler of course)

And finally finally – already suffering withdrawal symptoms from not getting enoff Muffet- er, enough Moffat? Why not create your own NooWhoo storylines with this handy generator.

Fast Return – April 2013

Friday, May 3rd, 2013

Ah well then. April has come and gone like a Past Doctor cameo wishlist, and now there are only six months and twenty three days ’til the Big Five-O – hooray!

Let’s see what news we had to tickle our fancies this past month:. Cue Smiths music:

Woo! A new issue of RTP! Well we would say that, wouldn’t we? Yes we would. It’s lovely to have a new print zine waiting in the letterbox eeee just like old times (it’s been nearly two years!)
nt sure what a fanzine looks like? Don’t trust those pesky newsgroups and haven’t yet saved enough for your very own Google? Head on over to the RTP blog to see what the fuss is about and how to get your hands on one.
A review will follow on this blog shortly, of course. And naturally, there’s the anticipation of RTP 31/the November anniversary issue…


…the way of thanking the Doctor according to the Royal Mail presumably being to lick his bottom and stick him to an envelope? No wonder traditional post is dying.

And as if by magic, unseen edits from Dimensions in Time appear on YouTube, courtesy of writer David Roden! Look, you can joke all you want (a few have come to mind), but twenty years on and in the time it was set at last (2013 – it’s in the script!) this is dynamite stuff. Yes, it looks rushed and sloppy and unforgiveable in places (poor Jon Pertwee), but it’s genuinely rare stuff and very generous of Mr Roden to share it with fans. A good job comments have been disabled, mind. Wise.

Speaking of surprise releases…

Moonbase! Moonbase is coming out partially animated! The Gravitron! The Phantom Piper! The teatray – oh my stars! Truly a Cyber-themed anniversary (just don’t mention it being a golden one, obviously)
They kept that one quiet, didn’t they?

And speaking of quiet DVD activities…

The Saville Effect allegedly claims another couple of scalps as The Two Doctors and The Sontaran Experiment have been quietly pulled from sale – or at least not hastily restocked? Why? Well, the extras for Two Doctors might explain that one away, but there’s also the repeated footage from Jim’ll Fix It on the Bred for War documentary. Now, the cynical among you might be saying at this juncture “Sell! Sell! No- hold, then sell!” And for sure, there are reports of some ker-razy prices being asked for the Sevillian job on Amazon and the like; and yet there is the hope that a re-release of Two Doctors (come on, it’s Pat! There’s not that much of a Making Of and I want my Comic Assassins-themed Colin and Sock Puppet duet song!) where was I? Oh yes. Hope that a re-release of Two Doctors on DVD might present an opportunity to add some other nice features on. Y’know, to fill that gap…

Speaking of no more gaps:

Oh yes. Some interesting commentary is free in this week’s Guardian courtesy of wunderkind Charlie Brooker on RTD and the death of conversation. No I don’t know what wunderkind means. Good article, though.

And speaking of good reads…

Nice one, Paul.  Writing a book about picture books without being able to use pictures* to do it is actually quite something! And good luck for the Vogels this July!

Okay, enough pleasantness. It’s the Anniversary year, we’re only getting the previous Tenannt in for the November show and fans are ANGRY!!! What would the reaction have been like if this had happened for the show’s tenth anniversary forty (ouch) years ago? Well, this of course.

(Seventies Facebook courtesy of Gav @themindrobber who does cool 3D art and also apparently has a 1983 version of the link above tucked away somewhere.)

And finally…

(Courtesy of the errant Mr Park)
This is for Deb. Who said you can’t have Barrowman for the 50th!

(*yeah yeah we know, there are some cover reproductions in the book. Just sayin’!)

Fast Return – March 2013

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013

We are:

At the turnout for Valentine’s Day’s big screen science fiction double feature of The Impossible Astronaut and Day of the Moon. Hundreds of young fans in attendance, and not a single exasperated fan viewing day organiser in sight. Truly the series is no longer ours, and hooray for that!

That we forgot to mention in last month’s Media Circus the not insignificant and most welcome TARDIS Tales Treasury out now on Lulu courtesy of RTP publishing. Not bad work, and proof positive that things have not all been quiet down south with the zine. Many apologies Alex!

Even better (if Alex doesn’t mind this said), confirmation via Facebook that, inspired by the abovementioned feature, TT creator Graham Muir is currently penning a special anniversary episode of the tales for RTP’s 50th anniversary issue in November. Result!!

At FreakyTrigger’s description of this past weekend’s big Big BIG [as-predicted] 50th anniversary casting news (courtesy of DWM- damn! The Beeb):

“The writing was on the wall for Tennant’s return some months ago. Said wall being the London Underground, and said writing the posters for “Nativity 2: Danger In The Manger””

At the stories of JN-T coming out now. On the 50th anniversary. The truth will out, as they say, but the timing of the revelations must have made a few production heads sore in recent weeks. And, well, yikes…

That the JN-T media storm predicted in the tabloids have thus far amounted to a couple of days of slightly-ill-informed reportage (no surprises there then) and an awful lot of angry comments after the article for suggestions that avuncular uncle Who du jour Colin Baker looked to be involved by poor virtue of him being in the topmost photo in the old desk file. In every cloud, eh?

The end of the world is indeed nigh. Two words: Alien. Babies.

Two issues of DWM celebrating the series half-century, imminent return and Smith’s newest ever bow tie, and both issues are roundly mediabombed by a moving and revealing twenty year-old interview with Jon Pertwee. Well played, sir!

And speaking of the past, finally:

For Billyfluffs. Push the button, Bill…